Late Night TV Talk Shows Challenge Mental Health

By William Hickey

Television-Radio Editor

Though long a devotee of late night free-form television shows, dating back to the fun and games era of

HICKEY

Jerry Lester's

"Broadway Open House,' I am finding it

increasing-

ly difficult to maintain membership in the club.

The current crop of talk

shows, afternoon as well as night, have been responsible of late for some of the most dreadful television fare in the history of the medium. In fact, at its present rate of retrogression, the talk show in the very near future will appeal mainly to those af-

fiicted with masochistic tenspends his many evenings ing to a general confession

dencies.

through 15 minutes of a gab IT IS ALL I can do to get show without undergoing a gross change in personality. Normally, I am brimful Normally, I am brimful with understanding and compassion when it comes to the weaknesses of man.

However, the new breed celebrities, who are paraded before the cameras in extraordinary numbers these days and nights, cause blood to rush to my eyes and thoughts of murder pounding in my brain.

Lest you think I'm quaintly crochety and alone in my feelings, let me assure you I have company aplenty, including Johnny Carson. It's well known in the industry why he missed 90 out of 270 "Tonight Shows" the past year he can't stand them, either. Rumor has it that he

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ing old movies on television.

You really can't blame Carson, or Dick Cavett for that matter. They are simthat matter. They are simply too old and square to conduct interview shows, especially when now-genera⚫ tion types dominate the guest lists.

Of course, they are both sophisticated and knowing. No one is going to argue the question, for if Nebraskans question, for if Nebraskans are known for anything in this world, it is their peerless sophistry.

UNFORTUNATELY for the pair, it takes much more than mere sophistication to hold a talk show together these days when electronic expurgation of human foibles is the order of the day. Watching a talk show today is akin to listen-

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Enter stage center, unshaven, unkempt, beaded male type in tie-dye shirt, Navajo hat and loin cloth made of antelope skin. You can tell he is important, because he wears three feathers in his hat and a sneer on his face.

Interviewer: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the newest star in the Hollywood constallation, a man who rose to supreme heights of artistry for his performance as a hardhat homosexual in the movie 'Lust on the High Girders,' Lance Boyle!"

Respectable applause and three whistles.

Interviewer: "How do you like being a star?” Lance: "It's a big pain in

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the derriere. All these creepy establishment types after my body. Money, money, all the pigs sucking on my trough. I tell you, if it weren't for dames, I'd tell them all to drop dead.”

Substantiai applause, four whistles and laughter.

Interviewer: I understood you just got married...

Lance: "Yeah, big deal. Neither of us believe in marriage, but when the second child came along we figured the kid should have some kind of legal claim to my dough."

Applause and tittering.

Lance: "Of course, I've got those three other kids and Samantha has her four and my girl friend is pregnant..."

Thunderous applause and laughter.

Interviewer:

"You're

some guy, I......I.

Lance: (head bowed ever so slightly, half smile and little boy look on face)

"You only get one whirl on this old earth and I figure to get mine the first time around and I don't care about any creepy establishment type looking down his nose at me. They can all drop dead!”.

Absolute pandemonium breaks out. Bravos bounce off the studio walls, women throw flowers on the stage, strong men choke with emotion.

Interviewer: Well, Lance, you've made it and you've made it big. Do you have adpice for young people who want to follow in your footsteps?"

Lance? "Yeah. Love is the important thing in life. You've got to give of yourself and help your brother out."

Cut to station break amid resounding cheers.

Interviewer: My next guest is Lance Boyle's protege and third wife..

This is where I kick my television set.